


I'm losing my voice calling on you

by fiverivers



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Drabble, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Reunions, post 5x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 03:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14633568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiverivers/pseuds/fiverivers
Summary: “I can’t lose you, Bellamy.” It’s the first time he’s heard her say his name in 2,201 days and it stirs a feeling inside him he’s not quite brave enough to name.





	I'm losing my voice calling on you

**Author's Note:**

> The tag "drabble" is debatable but to me anything under 1000 words is one.

Everyone is asleep. Clarke is exhausted too, but her mind won’t let her sleep; She’s thinking about the war to come. She won’t lose everything again. She looks in on Madi asleep in the rover one more time before making her way to the perimeter of their camp, where Bellamy is taking watch.

“How could we possibly win?” She speaks quietly and there’s no inflection in her voice despite the question. There’s so few of them and their weapons are primitive in comparison to the Prisoners.

“We don’t have to talk about this right now.” His tone is dismissive and Clarke knows he just wants her to sleep but she has so much pent up inside of her.

“Then when? We don’t have the luxury of time.” She snaps, grabbing his arm and turning him around to face her. In the moonlight she can see that his eyes are focused below hers; her mind empties instantly and her stomach lurches dangerously when he reaches forward.

The skin on Clarke’s neck is burnt. “Your neck—” He sounds pained; softly, slowly he presses his hands against the sides of her neck. Bellamy means to lean in and examine the wound, but he’s suddenly overwhelmed by her and the impossibility of it all—it’s mythological. It reminds him of the ancient stories he used to read to Octavia; running away to the sky and leaving her to die in an all-consuming fire only to find her again.

“Your hands are cold,” Her voice is hoarse.

He startles at her voice. “Sorry, I just—” 

“No,” Clarke wraps her fingers around his wrists when he tries to pull away. He centers her, and she doesn’t want him to go. She loosens her hold and slides her hands back over his hands. “It feels good—soothing. The coolness.” Her lips twitch upwards into a small smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Clarke,” he speaks so gently. She recognizes the tone. Over and over again, when she’s felt as though she is about to lose herself, he always manages to keep her from slipping into panic. The familiarity of it chokes her and his presence _here_ with her finally completely registers. She presses her forehead against his chest, swallowing the sobs that try to escape. She lets out a shaky breath, finding strength in his warmth.

“Clarke,” his voice is gentler yet, she feels as if she is something fragile. A part of her wants to lash out, but more than that she can feel her fear and rage quiet inside of her. She’d forgotten how it felt to feel small—to feel protected. Every time she has broken and collapsed, he has put her back together. The day’s events finally consume and overwhelm her and she reaches forward to grip his shirt, inhaling an uneven breath in an attempt to steady herself.

Bellamy doesn’t think Clarke realizes how violently she is trembling in his arms. The exhaustion and terror that he sees in her makes his blood boil but he cannot be red-hot blind rage right now. Softly, he slides his hands up from her neck to cup her face and slowly tips her head back so she can see him. “I’m sorry, Clarke.” Self-loathing washes over him in waves. “I should’ve been here.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I know—I _know_ that there’s a reason you didn’t come down earlier.” She wants to tell him that she didn’t just survive; she thrived even as she felt his absence pounding in her bones. She wants him to know that, and to know that the first time she _really_ needed him, he came back to her. A knight in shining armor, he rescued her in the nick of time. She lets out a watery laugh at the metaphor. “Just don’t leave me again.” She intends it as a joke, but her voice breaks and her desperation slips out.

“I won’t give you empty promises.” Clarke wants to laugh again, this time at her own foolishness. He is not hers to keep but she’s sure she’ll waste away when he leaves again. “The bunker… I have to find my sister. I need to know.”

Clarke nods jerkily and moves to pull away, letting go of his shirt. It’s not rational, and it’s not fair to him, but his words cut her like a knife. For six years she has looked up at the sky and wished on every star to have him by her side again but for him, she’d been just another memory.

“Clarke, look at me.” Bellamy has so much he wants to say but he struggles to find the right words. He pulls her closer, pressing his forehead against hers. 

Again, the rest of the world melts away and it’s just him and her.

“I’ll come back to you.” It’s a vow he means with his entire being. He’s let her go time and time again but he doesn’t have the strength to do it again. 

Clarke’s heart stills, and for the first time in a long time, the seemingly permanent ache in her soul dulls. She touches his face, suddenly terrified that this is a dream and she’ll wake up tied to a chair with McCreary leering at her. 

“I can’t lose you, Bellamy.” It’s the first time he’s heard her say his name in 2,201 days and it stirs a feeling inside him he’s not quite brave enough to name. He wraps her in his arms.

She laces her fingers together and rests her hands against his back. She settles into his embrace, turning her head so she can listen to his heartbeat.

It sounds like home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on the "really special, emotional hug" we're supposed to see in 5x04.
> 
> I started writing this almost immediately after 5x03 and then when the writers released the script I tweaked it a bit (I'm sure you can see some of it in here). 
> 
> The title is from "Ashes" a very new Celine Dion song for Deadpool 2.
> 
> Please leave your thoughts and especially critiques! I am always looking to improve :)


End file.
